Everyone has been told or taught that when you are on a job interview, you should be punctual, eager, dressed for success and make meaningful eye contact with the person conducting the interview. Additionally, it is very important to ask questions to prove you are interested and not asleep with your eyes open. Many people prepare a list of questions to show initiative; some of us, including me, have even pulled out a list of questions to show they came prepared.
Unfortunately, despite all that and more, there are times when you know that there is absolutely no way this job is going to make it to your updated résumé. However, since you are already there, you might as well get your money’s worth for the cost of dry cleaning your best outfit, paying for a fresh haircut, and the time wasted because some corporate kiss-ass doesn’t think your lips pucker the right way to be the ideal candidate.
It is for those occasions, in particular, that I have come up with some questions worth asking ... just for the hell of it. Knowing that you are being rejected hurts. This just may help take the sting out of being flatly dejected and having your time wasted by a stiff, management-level human resource with a personality as rigid as a girder. Make it your day, too.
I would like to get a better understanding of this organization. Which dictator’s philosophy best defines your policies, procedures and principles?
Does the paperwork I have to sign before being hired take away my rights to take you to court? If so, could you summarize the arbitration process this company uses?
Do I really have to wait a year to get a raise?
Do the products (or services) here really work well?
Do you drug test more than once?
Do you also test for masking agents?
How quickly do sick days accrue here?
How are unruly subordinates handled?
What is the difference between a verbal warning and just getting yelled at?
I know what you are seeking in the ideal candidate. But what are you willing to accept?
Am I permitted to make personal calls if I have nothing better to do?
How many hours a day do you really expect me to work?
Could you tell me how this company defines sexual harassment?
Do you serve alcohol at the Christmas party?
Is drinking permitted at lunchtime if you are discreet?
Do you drink?
How many times can you be late before you are in real trouble?
How did you get where you at in this company, working hard or mightily kissing ass?
How many of the boss’ relatives work here?
Are you related to the boss?
What should I do if a customer really pisses me off?
Is your personality this way all of the time or is this a special day for you?
If my coworkers are jerks, is it okay to just ignore them?
Is it okay to surf the Net for porn if I am on a break?
Where do you see this company five years from now?
Do you plan on being here five years from now?
If you don’t know if you’ll be here five years from now and you work here; why the hell are you asking me that when I know less about this place than you?
Could I post a sign in the lunchroom to promote my résumé-writing business?
If my boss really pisses me off, can I come to you for support?
I am not really feeling this today. Could I just come back tomorrow?
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